Growing Pains
Growth comes in fits and starts and there are a ton of clichés but what I want to consider is why some people are able to grow and mature as a person and some aren’t. I don’t think it’s linked to intelligence but linked more closely to those with a greater capacity for compassion and understanding. You see it from a young age in children, there are those who are capable of great empathy whilst others have no concept. Is it something that is taught or nurtured? I suppose it’s something that could be but there can be stark differences between siblings. We all know of brothers and sisters who are miles apart in the way they view the world. Some people grow with each hardship they face and the empathy they already possess flourishes. Do these people spend a lot of time analysing their behaviour and are therefore more cognisant? Or is it just a natural progression that comes with age and experience for some? I’m no psychologist so I don’t have the answers and unfortunately no longer the intellectual capacity nor mental energy to research it.
On the flip side are those who stagnate and some even seem to become more embedded, less-abled to see another person’s suffering, all they see is their own problems. No one suffers as much as they do, they seem to find it impossible to really take the time to listen and acknowledge what is in front of them. I see this as a lack of honesty perhaps, and it may stem from having difficulty in being honest with themselves. Or maybe it’s their way of getting through life’s hardships, if they deny the surrounding reality they can cocoon themselves from going through what is painful work. Taking that step back from ourselves and looking in from the outside, taking time and stock to look truthfully at our own behaviour and why we react as we do towards others is not only rough going but also frightening, however I believe to grow in any meaningful way it is necessary.
Where do I fit in? I’m certainly somewhere in between and have been at points in my life completely unaware of my behaviour and its affect on others. Looking back I feel ashamed. I do try now to always take that step back and take a long hard look at myself. I know I don’t always win through yet it will be something I strive for until my last breath.
4 comments :
Amen. Very honest and insightful. I think we should always take a step back and look at our own behaviour. The slightest action or non-action can define relationships with others and the course that relationship may take. Its also useful not to beat oneself up, mentally, when we realise an error or omission. Just make a note to try to improve next time. What's done is done.
I think we are sponges at birth, ready to learn from anything thrown at us. The sibling thing doesn't work as siblings are parented very differently. I am certainly a better parent now than I was ten years ago with the older children, as I have learned that things I thought a parent should be are the things I imagined my parents did whilst parenting me. But in fact my memories are that of a child looking out on the world. I can never know how my parents came to decisions around parenting me or my siblings as the world has changed and pressures are different.
I believe compassion and empathy are taught, a part of the nurturing we receive from our parents. Though as animals we all learn of a reward for showing these behaviours, whether the reward is physical or a mental sense of our own 'goodness'.
Sorry my English is not the best, it never was. Hope I got my points across adequately.
Quite an interesting and seemingly from the heart post. It always has baffled me as well to see how offspring from the same household can grow to be so different? Is it different friends that influence?
I don't know.
Fantastic post though. Thank you!
Great comments and so nice to see other perspectives on the topic. I think both of you are right, there are so many different factors. It's so honest of the anonymous commentator to admit that her parenting is very different with her younger children. Thank you both for your input.
This sticks in my mind and I can relate to it so fully, I believe that I am the person whom stagnates for a short time and once I relaise my mistake and remember it and grow from them.
These words you have writen have given me an insight to more mistakes I have made in my life and now my eyes are fully opened I don't think I will make anymore in life or love.
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